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It was thirteen years to the day that O.J. Simpson was acquitted of the charges of murdering Ron Goldman and his ex wife Nicole Brown Simpson that he was found guilty of twelve charges he was accused of in a new armed kidnapping trial. These new charges were all centered around the fact that Simpson and some accomplices stormed into a hotel room in Las Vegas to recover some valuable memorabilia that he said was stolen from him.

The main evidence that caused so much controversy in this trial was that there was a gun that was used by one of the accomplices to keep the memorabilia dealers inside the hotel room and the question was whether or not Simpson knew there was a gun being brought to the scene. He said he did not know there was a gun, but since he was recorded on audio tape telling his friends to not let anyone leave the room, that in itself was enough to indicate that he knowingly meant to keep those people in the room whether they wanted to stay or not and whether he knew there was a gun or not.

You would have had to have been living on another planet not to know about the murder charges that were brought against Simpson years ago concerning his ex wife and her friend Goldman. Many people believed whole heartily that Simpson was indeed guilty of these murders and those same people are elated that he has finally gotten what he deserved all along in their eyes and that is jail time. They believe that justice has finally been served to someone who committed a double murder and got off entirely free.

To be fair, there are others that believed just as strongly that Simpson was innocent of the murder charges that were brought against him years ago and these people believe that jurors who thought Simpson guilty of those murders might have been unfair in their judgment in the new charges of kidnapping and the rest. Even though jurors are supposed to be unbiased and fair in every sense sometimes when a defendant already has a reputation that has been as severely damaged as that of Simpson it can be difficult for jurors to not be swayed to some degree.

The lawyers defending Simpson in this case are planning to file an appeal and it is likely that the new trials will take at least another year or two to be finished with. In the meantime Simpson will be going to jail and the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, who both believed that Simpson was guilty of their murders, are probably celebrating a long awaited intervention in the life of Simpson. Whether anyone else believes that Simpson was guilty of the murders or guilty in this new case, these two families must feel some relief at long last.

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A second or third marriage with children can complicate the division of furniture and personal property in an estate settlement. However, it is still possible to avoid conflict and keep peace in a family if certain ‘rules of engagement’ are followed.

These rules are:
1) Only immediate heirs or beneficiaries should be involved in the division process.
2) Commit to a common goal to achieve a peaceful and fair settlement.
3) Agree not to remove anything from a home prior to the official division process.
(All three of these rules are discussed more completely in a separate article: ‘The Three Main Causes of Conflict in an Estate Settlement, and What To Do About Them.’)

There are many possible variations of blended families, so any answer given about how to make a fair distribution must be generalized. For the sake of simplicity, I will present a scenario that best describes the most common situation for a blended family: when there is a marriage with two sets of grown children (teenagers or older).

Before having an appraisal done of all items (discussed below), both groups of heirs should go through the property and list items they remember to have been in their home prior to the second marriage. (In the case of small children, this becomes less practical and might require assistance.) This should create two specific groups of possessions to be divided separately by the two groups of heirs. If there is disagreement about any item, it should go into the general pool of items for division later in the process.

Also, each individual heir should write down 5 to 10 items for which they have a strong attachment or a special interest in having, along with a brief statement about why. Once all lists are made, the executor or appointed mediator should compare the lists for duplications. If a duplication occurs, that item also goes into the general pool of items for division later. The items not duplicated can be awarded to the individuals who made special requests. (NOTE: Remember, special interest lists are limited to ten items each.)

Before the division process begins, I highly recommend that a professional and reputable appraiser be hired to determine the monetary value of all items. Often this is not thought to be necessary, but I have found that the small amount of expense involved is well worth it. One important tip about this however, is to negotiate a flat fee rather than a commissionable basis of payment. Remember, the desired result is to create a fair division among heirs.

Once all of the specifically named items are divided, all other items in the property are then to be divided equally among all heirs. Whether by drawing from a deck of cards or rolling dice, heirs can take turns making their selections from that point forward. By having a commitment to fairness, this can be done successfully, even in a blended family.

Every married person with children should consider the possibility that one day something might happen to them, and that eventually the surviving spouse might remarry. In contemplating that situation, they should then consider what property (furniture, jewelry, china, special keepsakes, etc.) they want to be sure ends up belonging to their children, not sold or given to step-children whom they do not know.

Here’s how to do this easily:

Simply make a list of all items that you want to be divided among your children. Don’t make this process harder than necessary. You do not need to indicate exactly what items go to which child, the list should simply indicate all items that you want to be divided among the children or heirs specifically named in your will.

Next, have a statement of your intent, including the list, attached to your will as a part of your estate plan. In order to be sure that amendments conform to the laws of your state, it is recommended that you have this done by a professional. It’s a simple exercise, but one that can prevent problems later.

Above all, I believe that the greatest legacy we should leave to our children is to teach them the meaning of the ‘Golden Rule’, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Anything that lends itself to lessening conflict during the estate settlement process should likewise assist in teaching them this ultimate truth.

Families can keep peace and avoid conflict when going through this process. The main benefit is to preserve and protect family relationships. It provides a system of organization for the orderly transfer of property from one generation to the next. www.passingthefamilytorch.com

Many attorneys believe that most problems related to dividing an estate could be handled outside of the courtroom. Those who counsel individuals about family feuds and personal conflicts that arise during estate settlements usually agree that most could be solved without attorneys if people would just listen to one another, communicate, and “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” However, that’s easier said than done.

The Settlement Game: How to Settle an Estate Peacefully and Fairly, identifies three main sources of conflict and offers strategies for what to do about them to avoid a family feud.

1. Many of the problems that arise at the time of a division or settlement of an estate are caused by interference from spouses or children of the heirs, not the immediate heirs themselves. In any discussion with people who have been through family conflict during the division process, a story related to this type of interference usually comes up. This is often because someone, not an immediate heir, wants something. Usually there is no intent to harm relationships, yet a seemingly innocent request from someone closely related to one of the heirs may cause pressure that eventually erupts into conflict.

Rule # 1 - Only immediate heirs should be involved in the division process during the settlement of the estate. All others (spouses, children, grandchildren, in-laws and friends) should NOT participate, especially at the start of this process.

2. A second major cause of conflict comes from the early removal of items from a home (or estate) without the overall consent and approval of all other heirs. Sometimes one heir will simply go in ahead of time and take what he or she wants ‘ perhaps spitefully ‘ or perhaps intending to remove the item before anyone notices it is gone. However, usually this early removal is done innocently, by someone who thinks it is acceptable or has what he or she thinks is a good reason.

Rule # 2 Don’t remove anything from the home or property before the official division process. Common sense may require that valuables be removed for safe-keeping; just make sure that all heirs are aware and agree.

3. Most experts agree that personality differences are the main cause of conflict during the division process of an estate settlement. Without understanding these differences, keeping the peace and avoiding conflict will be much more difficult to accomplish.

Rule # 3 Try to gain an understanding of personality types of the other heirs involved. It is important to understand the basic traits of each person involved, and the best way in which to communicate with that personality style. By doing this, many conflicts that would otherwise develop from misunderstandings among heirs can be avoided.

Families can keep peace and avoid conflict when going through this process. The main benefit is to preserve and protect family relationships. It provides a system of organization for the orderly transfer of property from one generation to the next. www.passingthefamilytorch.com

Who needs a will? The short answer — everyone. Regardless of age, regardless of wealth, everyone should create a will.

First, some background on estate planning and where creating a will fits in:

Estate Planning was once a simple process of writing out a Last Will and Testament for a lawyer to use for carrying out your wishes. However, now estate planning can mean much more, from instructions for handling your affairs should you become incapacitated while still living, to planning ‘who gets what’ upon your death. Also complicating matters is the sheer number of choices one now faces, such as Statutory Wills, Living Trusts and Pourover Trusts. Many possibilities might need to be considered when deciding what should be done with your assets.

Generally, the term ‘assets’ refers to your estate. For many, the word ‘estate’ calls to mind a large, spacious home, full of expensive collectibles and antiques, and located on a sizable tract of land. But the word ‘estate’ really has a very simple meaning , it is all of the ’stuff’ you have in your name at your death. Even if your possessions would only fill one shoebox, that small collection would be your estate.

As part of their estate planning, most people employ an attorney to have a will written for them. But as inexpensive as this process can be, about half of all Americans die without one.

So why should you create a will?

While a Power of Attorney can usually handle your financial affairs during your lifetime, it has no legal authority for disposing of your assets after your death. For this, you must use a testamentary document, such as a Last Will and Testament. Without a will to indicate your wishes, the court steps in and distributes your property according to the laws of your individual state. If you have no apparent heirs and die without a will, it is even possible that the state may claim your estate. Finally, having a will is especially important if you have young children because it allows you to designate a guardian in the event of your death. Without a will, the court will appoint a legal guardian for your children, and it may not be who you would want.

Simply stated, benefits of creating a will include:

You designate who will receive your assets upon your death.

You name who is to be in charge of administering your estate.

You may save your family probate costs.

You can achieve peace of mind, knowing that your affairs are in order.

Estate planning is not just for the rich, and creating a Living Will and Testament is a good place to start.

Families can keep peace and avoid conflict when going through this process. The main benefit is to preserve and protect family relationships. It provides a system of organization for the orderly transfer of property from one generation to the next. www.passingthefamilytorch.com

I’ve often heard how a parent attempts to prevent heirs from fighting over items by predetermining who gets what or by giving things away in advance without all heirs present. Although it sounds smart and reasonable to make a ‘Who Gets What’ list regarding furniture and personal items as part of an estate plan, it could cause more problems than it solves.

Predetermining future ownership of every item can be a daunting task. Many who have tried have realized that it can be nearly impossible. Also, it is often insignificant items that cause disputes, not larger or more valuable items. The following true story best illustrates this point:

Mrs. Thomas has four daughters: Sally, Jane, Beth and Ann. Twenty years after the girls have all married and left home, Mrs. Thomas decides to take care of estate matters and begins deciding which items go to which daughter in order to prevent arguments among them later. She designates an antique bed in the guest room for Sally and a special dresser of equal value for Jane (and so forth). Mrs. Thomas, however, doesn’t remember that the bed had been in Jane’s room in earlier years. After Mrs. Thomas has passed away, the girls come together to settle the estate and to divide up the furniture and household goods. Jane discovers that her mother has given ‘her’ bed to Sally. Jane loved that bed, it had been in her room all through her childhood years. She is sure this must be a mistake. Sally is delighted because she loves the bed, too, and thinks it will be perfect for her daughter’s room. Since Sally’s daughter is the only ‘granddaughter’, she is certain Mama left it to her for that reason.

Innocent actions can generate hurt feelings and resentments that may last a long time, sometimes forever. By predetermining these items, Mama may actually have caused conflict instead of prevented it.

One alternative to consider is having the heirs themselves play a hand in deciding while you are still living. Many people go through ‘downsizing’ or moving to a new area at a point in life after children have left home. This might be a good time to deal with the initial phase of this division process. A way to do this could be to have all the heirs come for a meal together — without spouses and children. (NOTE: Most attorneys agree that many of the problems encountered during estate settlements are brought on by spouses and children of the heirs, not the immediate heirs themselves.)

During a casual meal, discuss your plans for the pending move and then announce that you are going to let some things go rather than move them all to your new but smaller house. Ahead of time, mark the pieces available with a sticker. After the meal, have the heirs go through the house and put their initials on stickers of items they are interested in having. If more than one initial is put on an item, have a simple method planned (like rolling the dice or drawing cards) for deciding who gets what.

While going through this process, you may see trouble spots among your children that can be dealt with to help avoid problems later. Furthermore, this provides a good opportunity to impress upon your kids the importance of remaining friends with their siblings for life.

Families can keep peace and avoid conflict when going through this process. The main benefit is to preserve and protect family relationships. It provides a system of organization for the orderly transfer of property from one generation to the next. www.passingthefamilytorch.com