Despite Darwin’s theory of evolution, there are people who don’t seem to have evolved mentally. A man from Tennessee booked a hotel room so he and his girlfriend could celebrate the first anniversary of the day they met. To make the room more romantic, he arranged candles on the floor to spell “I Love U”. After lighting the candles he went to get his girlfriend. By the time he got back, the carpet had burned and the television had melted. The Tennessean had to pay for damages, but he’d proved that romantically no one could hold a candle to him.

Then there was the man in Greenville, South Carolina who went to the BB&T bank and gave a note demanding money to one of the tellers. After getting an undisclosed amount of cash, the man left the bank and got into a waiting taxi. Moments later, after asking the cab company where the man had been dropped off, police arrested him. However, because the taxi driver wasn’t involved in the robbery, it wasn’t a taxi-ng case.

“Men on a Mission” - a calendar featuring shirtless, male missionaries - has sold almost 10,000 copies. This caused the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to officially reprimand the publisher. In defense, the publisher explained his projects are about stepping outside stereotypes; but considering he’s a Mormon, he’d stepped too far.

According to a judge in New Zealand, parents went too far when they named their nine-year-old daughter “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”. When the couple appeared before the judge in a custody dispute, he ordered them to change the name to something that would cause less ridicule. Since then the judge has turned down two names suggested by the parents - “Sex Fruit” and “Fish And Chips” - but I’m sure he’s thought of appropriate names for the parents.

Finally, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has asked Ben & Jerry to keep cows from suffering by using breast milk instead of cow’s milk in their ice cream. La Leche League International, the world’s oldest breast-feeding support organization, said it would be difficult to make ice cream with breast milk because every woman’s breast milk is different. Considering it takes 1 1/2 gallons of milk to make 1 gallon of ice cream, every woman who has used a breast pump is painfully aware breast milk ice cream is udderly impractical.

KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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